Custody: The Best Way To Write or Respond to the Other Parent Electronically

Depending on the legal status of couples, in the United States and around the world, majority of relationships are ending in either separations, break ups and/or divorces. Some couples are better than others when it comes to co-parenting their child or children. In a series of posts, I will provide correspondences between a former couple who are expected to co-parent their two children in the United States. These posts will focus on the provided facts, based on the written history of the couple's relationship, their court documents and email correspondences from a court application called Our Family Wizard (OFW), regular email, text messages, etc. I will try to be as objective as possible not to influence the readers' opinion of one parent or the other. The readers should judge this former couple's communications, their level of respect for one another and/or any abusive behaviors based on provided factual data. Hopefully, this will help the readers to make better decisions when writing to the other parent of their child/children. 

We will try to analyze if this former couple doing anything right for the best interest of their children. What can they do differently and/or is there anything that can be done differently in a situation like theirs?

The screenshot of the email below is from OFW app. I will refer to the father of the children as Mr. Jones and the mother of the children as Ms. Jones for privacy reasons. Other than the anonymous names, everything else is factual.

At the time of this email, Mr. Jones was a 63 year-old, male. He moved to Germany around February 3, 2019. He was on his 5th marriage to a 30 year-old woman from Philippines, and was father of six children from four different women. He was employed full time and owned his own home in the State of Maryland.

Ms. Jones was a 38 year-old female, who had been living in Virginia since June 2018. She had not remarried after her divorce from Mr. Jones. She was raising their two children by herself. She was employed full time and owned her own home. However, there still was an income gap between the two in which Mr. Jones had been consistently making more money than Ms. Jones. 

Mr. Jones was the Plaintiff and Ms. Jones was the defendant in this case. Mr. Jones sued Ms. Jones for custody modification, child support and contempt to court around October 2018. Ms. Jones was never served the court papers then he sued her again in November 2018 shortly after the protective order against Mr. Jones expired in August 2018.  

During the court proceedings, which lasted two days, Mr. Jones requested that the Judge order Ms. Jones to communicate with Mr. Jones through OFW app. Mr. Jones claimed that Ms. Jones didn't want to speak to him which was not an inaccurate statement. The judge granted Mr. Jones' request but added that since the circumstances of Mr. Jones' departure was based on his own wishes thus Mr. Jones would be responsible to pay for both parties' access to OFW. 

On October 29, 2021 court ordered:

ORDERED that the parties shall both use the Close App (or the Our Family Wizard ("OFW") app should Mr. Jones pay for the costs for both parties to use the OFW app) for all non-emergency communications regarding the children. Additionally, the parties shall use the Office of Family Court Services "Email Protocol" as a basis for their communications in the Close or OFW apps.

In the above email, Mr. Jones is notifying Ms. Jones that he purchased the OFW accounts for both of them on November 1, 2021. Mr. Jones mentioned of an unknown representative who would be contacting Ms. Jones but did not provide any other information as to what the mode of communication would be or the name of the representative.

Is OFW a right place to send this email? What was Mr. Jones' intent to send this email on OFW when he clearly knew Ms. Jones didn't have access to OFW app and wouldn't see the email? Why not send this notification via other means, email, text or whatsApp?

Mr. Jones might have argued that Ms. Jones could have accused him of harassment if he used any other method of communication. However, the email above has nothing that could be interpreted as a 'harassment.' Mr. Jones could have also pointed out that the court states that they must use OFW for all communications about their children and OFW as a basis for their communications. The key word here is "as a basis for their communications." The order clearly states that every communication about their children must be on OFW and if they have other conversations which do not include their children, they have to write each other as if they were communicating on OFW.  

Is the email above about their children and what did Mr. Jones accomplish by sending this email via OFW? 

1. I have purchased the Family Wizard app for us both. With this statement, he wanted to show that he complied with the court order. 

2. You may be contacted soon from a representative with instructions on how to set up the app. This statement gives the impression that Mr. Jones provided required information to OFW representative to contact Ms. Jones. Also this statement strips him from any responsibility to set up her account. It is the OFW representative who would be contacting her. In that if Ms. Jones continued to lack access to the app,, he could have showed this email that it was OFW's responsibility to his understanding. 

3. I am still learning myself.  Mr. Jones' claim that he was still learning is a clear indication that he wanted to present himself as someone who didn't know much about the app either. Again, this is another way to support his claim that it was not his responsibility to provide access or information to Ms. Jones.

Did this email serve its intended purpose? Was it sent on the right platform? Was it helpful to their broken relationship? Was it even necessary to send this email?  

Let's first define the purpose of this email. In this email, Mr. Jones' intended purpose was to inform Ms. Jones that he purchased the OFW app for both of them. Although, this email did serve his specific purpose, it was not sent on the right platform. This email was specific to the court order in which children weren't part of. Mr. Jones and Ms. Jones are required to solely communicate about their children on the OFW app. This notification didn't mention their children, didn't address children's needs, and wasn't about a required action for the children. Thus it didn't belong in this platform. A second reason, it didn't belong in this platform was the fact Ms. Jones didn't have access to the app and wouldn't see it until she obtained access. Emails always must be about the children on OFW. This particular email should have been sent to Ms. Jones' via her personal email (gmail, yahoo, outlook, or phone) not only because Ms. Jones didn't have access to OFW but also it was inappropriate to send this email on OFW.

Although on the wrong platform, the written email is perfect. It is clear and to the point. If the co-parent can write clearly to the point, the other parent cannot accuse the co-parent of any wrong doing. Before drafting an email to the other parent, determine the purpose of your email then choose the right platform. Is the email about your children or about an issue between you and the other parent? If it is about your children use OFW. If it is about something else, use other platforms. 

Please let me know if you have ever used OFW to communicate with the other parent of your child or children. Did your email(s) serve a specific purpose?